Letting go for the win
“The world is won by those who let it go.”
Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 48 (trans. Raymond B. Blakney, 1955)
What do I want my cup filled with today? A full cup has no room for anything new. If I am holding onto regret, grief, the past, or the future, I leave little room for anything else. If the contents of my cup are not serving me, I will have to let something go.
Yesterday I spoke to a group about behaviors and character traits that no longer served us. To change them, we first have to understand our relationship to them. How did they show up in us? Was it fear, jealousy, or pride? That relationship shows us which tools we have been using, and whether those tools serve us.
Picture this. A coworker presents your project idea to leadership and does not credit you for your contribution. The idea gets high praise in the room. After the meeting, you complain to your peers. You are angry, hurt, and feel dismissed. You carry those feelings home. Your kids are glad to see you, and your spouse has been waiting to share some exciting news. You launch into a rant about how unfairly you were treated. The kids are dismissed, and your spouse’s excitement turns to anxiety.
By avoiding direct conversation with your coworker and venting to everyone else instead, you were not present for yourself or your family. Avoidance was the tool, and it did not serve you.
Awareness helps us practice self-compassion. We are not set up for success when we use the wrong tools. Once we see how avoidance hurts our lives, we can practice a different tool, like having a direct conversation and setting a clear boundary. That tool can become an asset.
You cannot change your past, but you can learn from it to create a better future. What are you holding on to that you cannot change? What learning will help you let it go?